User talk:TheRedHatWriter
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The Secret in the Trees page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! Jay ten (talk) 14:01, September 2, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:15, November 7, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story Your story was deleted for not meeting our minimum quality standards. Starting with the basics, your story was improperly titled and the paragraphs don't really need to be double spaced as it pads out the story. Additionally a number of paragraphs (like 6) were very long. A typical paragraph is five-ten sentences. Any more and it's blocky and a headache to read. Wording issues: run-on sentences "This was nothing new; he had told us about much worse so my friends and I just kind of shrugged it off, laughing along to how weird people can be, but secretly thinking this friend was almost as weird as them for looking for this stuff", It all began when another of my friends (let's call her Jane) said that she managed to get onto the deep web too, she was more adventurous than the rest of us, so we were slightly worried that she might do something stupid, and 'Oliver' brought it up.", etc. " Once he noticed me, he shouted something unintelligible, forcing my (sic)out with long nails and yellow teeth.' Punctuation issues: "We can call him 'Oliver' if it helps:(,) but no-one's learning any of our real names.", "She soon started meeting with my other friend on a regular basis:(,) but more was going on than browsing the web.", "I don't think any of us were virgins, but these two were 'spending time together': every Friday night.", etc. Colons are only used for listing items and putting dialogue on another line. Punctuation cont.: you use single-quotations for Oliver, but not for Jane. They're both pseudonyms so you need to be uniform. I would avoid putting single quotations in all together as it really doesn't enhance the story at all having the protagonist constantly reminding the audience that they're not using their real names. Grammar: their=possession, there=indicatory, they're=they are. "he sat their in faded underwear..." Capitalization issues: "The second i got in", "i couldn't", "i scrolled", "i saw something that i knew i had to investigate.", etc. There are other issues present, but let's move on to the story. Story issues: "This can't be true right(comma missing) it's just a creepy pasta.(? hypothetical questions still need question marks) I'm not talking about my real experiences, right? I'm not spreading the word, right? I'm not asking for help; I'm just telling a story." is a a very generic way to end a story. Referencing a creepy pasta in a creepy pasta always breaks immersion. Additionally the protagonist is threatened against talking and his first reaction is to write a creepy pasta? It seems counter-intuitive. These deep web stories have been told a number of times and your rendition just came off as a re-telling of the tropes. The story is fairly rushed and the frequent capitalization, punctuation, grammatical, wording, spelling, and story issues did not help your case. In fact, they caused me to look into one of your older stories and see a lot of the same issues (which led to its deletion as well.) I would strongly recommend using the writer's workshop for your next story as there were a lot of issues here, a number of which I haven't touched base on due to time limitations. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:50, November 7, 2015 (UTC)